LIke Father. Like Son.

My father's absence was worst than others to me. Because unlike most of them he wasn't missing, he wasn't on drugs, he wasn't too young, nor was he in a position where he couldn't do right. Instead his parents, sisters and brothers treated me like their own, he could be reached, he was accessible, he was in the military, and he was a good man who had two other children that had everything I dreamed of having..... in a father.  It's almost like he made more of a conscious decision than a circumstantial one to not have a relationship with me. I think that's what hurt the most. 

I almost wished he was fucked up some type of way to have an excuse. You know.... financially, mentally or was raised by bad parents. But that wasn't the case. My Papa and Oma (German for grandma.... that's what we call her) have been married for more than 50 years and have 9 other children. And out of those 10 kids 7 went to college and 2 went to the military so it wasn't that. So as a kid I always felt like he made an effort to not be a part of my life...... the way I wanted him to. See he paid his child support and I was invited and stayed with him for 3 summers out of the 18 I was a child. But that wasn't what I wanted.  I just wanted to be able to say I had a father.  Those gestures were nice but, to me,  if you take away the military and my grand parents I'm not sure if he would have done either of them. It seemed forced. But I just wanted to say I had a father. Something that NO ONE else where I lived could say. Someone that cared, taught me how to ride a bike, taught me to fight,  and told me what I didn't need to do before I did it and then found out that I didn't need to have done it. Just a father.  Instead I had a man that my mother and grandmother constantly encouraged me to have a relationship with.  I always thought, "that's my father...... why do I have to reach out to him? He should reach out to me." But I still did it from time to time for my mother and Oma only to leave messages or have a conversation that wasn't filled with any feelings at all. Just empty. Almost like he was waiting for me to stop talking so that he could tell me, "Son..... I have to go." 

Now that I am a man I often look back at those times and try to figure out if it affected me in some type of way. Some way that may not be so obvious on the surface. Some way that could later affect me as a father.  And now that I've lived a lot more and have had relationships of my own I even try to think about it a little deeper like, "maybe their relationship wasn't good or maybe it ended on a really bad note or maybe he didn't think I was was his." I'm not sure about any of those but the one thing I am sure about is that I THINK ABOUT IT. My father and I are communicating a little more these day but instead of it being a father to son conversation it is a conversation between two men. Still empty in a way. And if he did nothing at all in the past he did one thing...... he made me make a promise to my self that I would NEVER be the father he was to me. I would always be with my children and NOTHING or NO ONE would ever stop or change that.  "I want to be a good husband and father more than I want to be successful."  And now that I am married and my wife and I are planning for our first child I have that opportunity.  The opportunity to prove to my self that I am not my father.  But I still think deep down inside that I want to be able to say, "I..... have a father". 

Inspiration

My nephew and my inspiration.....Kevin Samples

Barack Obama is the first African American to become president of the United States of America. He is an inspiration to millions and an inspiration to me. But throughout this entire presidential process I've heard people in the media and close friends of mine say that NOW they feel like they can do ANYTHING. They say, "Now that Barack is President of the United States there is nothing or no limit that any man in the world can't achieve". He and Michelle are unbelievable people to model yourself after.......GREAT role models. But those statements make me think, "What did you think about yourself and your possibilities before November?" Barack's time in the White House will only be for four or (Lord's willing) eight years so what will you do or how will you feel after his presidency? Women, after Michelle leaves Washington, who will be your inspiration? Collin Powell said on HBO's Blacklist that, "We should not think that we can rest on the achievements of the last three or four years." Even Barack himself said that, "this victory alone is not the CHANGE we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that CHANGE!"

We should inspire each other!  I have friends who inspire me. People I see and talk to almost each and every day. I have a friend named Stacy who wanted to be an actress so she moved out to L.A., attended acting school and is now taking auditions to one day successfully land a role on some show or movie....... that inspires me.  I have a friend named Enid who started a cake business all on her own.  Making quality cakes right in her kitchen while maintaining another full time job as a teacher..... that inspires me.  My wife Aliceson is a teacher, she mentors over 10 students, and she started an after school tutoring program, which she and I run, tutoring over 16 students every Monday in one of the worse neighborhoods in Athens. Most of which are all done out of her heart and her pocket..... that inspires me. I could go on forever about some of the people I know who are doing things far beyond what the world expected of them. One of my favorite quotes is, "To the world you are but one person but to one person you can be the world."

My mother had four children before me (yes.... I'm the baby) and out of those four only one had graduated from high school.  So in my mind high school was the plateau for me.  But I had a nephew who was my same age named Kevin who was the model everything!! He never made anything less than A's, he could speak different languages, and he was loved by everyone in the school and the community. There was NOTHING he couldn't do. I mean literally...... he was even mean on a yo yo and the pool table. hahahahaha But what made him different from the other people that was like him was that he did everything we did.  He drank, he smoked, AND he ran the streets just like us. But more importantly he was the first person from our hood to go to college.  And before he graduated from high school in route to The University of Georgia college was nowhere in my mind. He inspired me. He inspired us. AND he still inspires me to this day. What use to be envy turned to admiration and eventually developed to inspiration. He graduated from UGA with a degree in Chemistry and now is the manager of NBA star Dwight Howard.  Kevin inspired the entire hood to want to do more because he was the first person that they saw themselves in who accomplished what he accomplished. And since him, almost everyone in our family has graduated from high school and attended college...... including me. With more to follow. 

Sometimes too much success, such as becoming president, can be intimidating to some people. That's a tough path to follow. But look at your friends. Look at your family. There is usually someone inspiring right there under your nose. And once you've been INSPIRED by someone..... go INSPIRE someone. Pay it forward. (If you haven't seen that movie yet it's a must see) What Barack Obama accomplished should have just pushed your finish line back farther. Now, instead of wanting to be more than a manager or a teacher etc. etc. like your mother or father you can look at Barack and say "NOW I want to be more than the President".