Caterpillar
I wonder, should we cling on to the emotional connections from our past that laid the foundation of who we are today? Should we forge into the unknown future shedding little fragments of who, where and how we were... molting our skin for growth as the caterpillar does? At this stage in my life I was no different from anyone else in my environment. Only small features separated me from everyone and everything around me. I did as others did. Like the caterpillar I consumed everything around me. Every-little-thing in my reach I consumed and learned from it. The primary goal in this stage is to eat (learn). The most interesting thing about the Caterpillar stage, to me, is the fact the Caterpillar will immediately start to eat the leaf they were born onto. Which means it was born on the type of leaf it will need to eat to grow. Each caterpillar needs a certain type of leaf for growth since they are tiny and can not travel to a new plant.
So the very thing I am fighting to become better than or to grow from was purposefully put in my life by God for my growth? Every struggle, every heart break, every fight, every mistake, being raised by a single mother, growing up in the hood, and all of the people I encountered daily were all purposely placed in life for my growth by design... by God?
The Cocoon
The cocoon represents what is new. It represents change. The thing no one tells us is...new can be scary and change can be lonely. This stage for me was one of the most difficult for me to withstand. This stage put a huge strain on my marriage and most of my friendships. Because I entered into my cocoon while I was in my early 30’s and when I had become a father. Two of the most social periods in anyone's life.
I learned you have to be in the Chrysalis alone. This is not a space or time for others. This time was mine and mine alone. An interesting fact about the cocoon: If the cocoon is broken by an outside force... the life and growth inside of it ends. If that same cocoon is broken by an inside force... the life begins. This metamorphosis was very difficult for me because I was so loyal to my caterpillar stage. I felt indebted to my environment and all of the other caterpillars in it. I was resistant to this change. Even though I knew in my heart this was what I needed. I wanted to change the way I thought, I wanted to change my actions, and I wanted to change the way I viewed myself and my life. This stage is slowly turning out to be one of my most favorite stages, when I look back. I now know, I love change and I've learned to embrace all that comes with it.
The Butterfly
You do not know if these physical and emotional changes are for your benefit when you first enter this stage. Am I being smothered or am I... growing. Am I being choked or am I being challenged. I spent so much time in the dirt and trees that this new environment, even if it is leading to "better", is scary to me. But then I emerge, Beautiful and anew. Being a Butterfly is such a weird space for me. The caterpillars no longer consider me one of them and still the birds that see me fly still remind me I am not one of them. Still through it all… I fly.
I spread my wing unsure of how to fly. My flight is not as graceful as the others that I share the sky with but I constantly remind myself that I arose from the dirt. The sky is not suited for me but yet I am here. I know now the things that I went through to get here gives me the tenacity to stay here. The struggle was my friend. My struggle gave me the drive, the vigilance, and a commitment to this flight so that I could withstand the pressures of being here.
I am slowly realizing the caterpillar does not change into a butterfly. The caterpillar always was a butterfly. I did not change. I am becoming what I was always destined to be. I was always destined to fly. My happiness, my growth, my worth, and my purpose always have been in my flight. I must fly to be an example. I must fly to be a beacon. I... must... fly! To anyone reading that thinks your environment is a hindrance to where you would like to go or what you would you like to become, please know you were put there for a reason. Learn and grow. God put you right where you needed to be so that you can withstand your flight that is to come. Do not allow your current circumstances to determine who or what you will become. You are already a butterfly... even as a caterpillar.
Fly.
Sincerely,
Stephen Nobles
“The Caterpillar”
