LOVE

Everyone is trying to figure this love thing out. There are countless movies and books on the subject but they always seem to not cover everyone's situation.  In my circle of friends I have been fortunate enough to hear both sides of the issue, from my boys and a lot of close female friends my wife and I have. The funny things is that there are VERY small things keeping alot of men and women from finding each other. A lot of miscommunication. See I get to hear these beautiful women tell me that they're not looking for "mister right"..... and that they just want someone that is with them 100%, communicates well, and has goals.  And of course good looks has never hurt. :o) And on the other side of things I hear my boys tell me how much they feel like they need to accomplish before they would approach their ideal woman........ because they feel like that's what women want. So how does that woman relay to that man that what he may be assuming ISN'T ultimately who or what she really is...... OR wants? That's a question that needs to be figured out. And I'm gonna take a swing at that soon. But here is my take on love. 

LOVE IS LIKE RELIGION!! With all of the references you hear in church of God being love and how God so "loved" the world so that he gave his only begotten son.  I could even go on a limb and say that LOVE IS RELIGION.  Think about everything you know about your religion or your faith. Everything that applies.  Isn't that love? In my religion of Christianity I am asked to believe without any doubts. To have the faith of a mustard seed.... but within that small mustard seed there is not one grain of doubt. I am taught that I should believe without question and to put my all into something that isn't tangible nor can not be seen. To believe in my heart and to confess with my mouth.  Isn't that love? Aren't we suppose to love another with out even truly knowing if they love us the same?  Aren't we asked to trust someone else beyond reason..... beyond suspicion? And aren't we filling our hearts with emotion and a feeling to ultimately one day look that person in the eyes and say..... "I  love you"?

If you have a question about love think about your religion. Just like religion some people think love is something that you say and then you go into cruise control. IT'S NOT!! You don't get saved and then sit back and let GOD. It's an everyday progression, it's a lifetime commitment, and it takes a lot of work. Just like love there are a lot of people who say they are into the church 100% but they're actions say otherwise. So when you are truly in love, just like religion, you will have more doubters than praisers. A lot of people say, "I'm gonna get saved when I get right". There are also a lot of men and women that say the same about relationships.  You can't go in to love with your heart protected. The bad thing about love is that you almost have to be vulnerable to getting hurt to really receive it's glory.  You have to be exposed. Forget your past relationships and go at it 100 % all over again. When you protect your heart in a relationship it's like have training wheels on a bike...... you may not fall but you will never go as fast and as far as the others who don't have em. So if LOVE truly is RELIGION, that would mean that we have all of the answers we need to make it work. We just have to employ them. Maybe that's why our parents always tell us to put GOD first in the relationship. Because where there is GOD...... there is LOVE. 

From boys to men

My wife, my friend......MY reason to change.

In the black community, and maybe in every other community as well, I always hear women say that you cannot change a man. "He is going to do whatever he wants to do", "all men have their minds made up", and "let a man be a man".  As correct as these all sound, they are all wrong. Belief, confidence, understanding, support, negligence, stubbornness, and just flat out not knowing better are just SOME of the things that a lot of us men suffer from. A lot of people choose religions and careers based on what was good to or for them, what worked out better for them and what made "ME" (them) a better person. So is  the same for ways of life and women.

Whatever you see a man doing with himself or in his life, whether it is right or wrong, has been good to him.  Now keep in mind this is all from my point of view. But hear me out. Where I come from there was and still is a lot of drug dealing and petty and major crimes. The one thing those people all have in common is that they all didn't always do what they are doing today. At some point in their lives they did something else..... or should I say tried something else. Some of them worked full time jobs but after it didn't work out or pay enough eventually went to drug dealing.  Or some lived straight and honest lives but after being a victim of a crime they became the criminal. EITHER WAY!! What they do today is not what they've always done. They were all influenced by something negative. So why can't the same go for positivity you ask? It can. All of these men will, hopefully, change one day. Some sooner than others. And the common denominator in all of their pictures will be women. YES women.

See, some of us only know what we have grown up to see and the environments we live(d) in. Women, even if they are brought up in these same environments, aren't exposed to the same things we are exposed to. So a lot of times what you have are things we lack.  We are far more receptive to the things women try to employ. Maybe even more than women think. I was fortunate enough to meet a good woman.  Someone who exposed me to a different way of thinking. See I was accustomed to doing things the way that I have been doing them my entire life. And a lot of them were wrong. But she loved me when I didn't know I loved her, she taught me how to struggle without resorting to crime, and she believed in me. She believed in me. That was something that I never had in my life. Someone smarter than me telling me I was smart, someone who had accomplished sooo much more than me telling me that I could, or someone saying "baby you don't have to do that.....try this".  And as simple as that may sound it changed me. Changed the way I thought, changed the say I lived, and even changed the things I wanted out of life.  Now I don't know for a fact that it was her that changed me but what I can't deny is this simple equation of my life. 

Me - her = bad decisions, crime and under-achieving

and

Me+ her= Success. 

You be the judge.

So women don't give up. My mother had a bad relationship when I was growing up and when I would ask her why she wouldn't just leave him she never had an answer. But in 2002 after almost 15 years he walked away from the streets and drugs never to return. And still hasn't to this day. Today he is a full time worker, has an associates degree in computer programming, he is a deacon, he is a Mason, AND he is my step-father. I asked my mom in 2006 when they became married what she thought  it was that changed him and she simply said, "Every night I would pray for God to bring a good man into my life. But instead of God bringing me a different man he made the one I had the man I prayed for.  I never stopped believing in Jeffery (my step father)". They dated for almost 18 or 19 years before they were married. Change CAN come.