Momma's Boy

I spoke to my mother this morning. (early September) A conversation that she and I had never had. She sat and listened as I read the bible to her... Psalm 27 - 29. Then we both discussed what we thought the verses were about in our own words. But the conversation that followed was as unexpected as it was needed. We talked about life, we talked about death, and we talked about happiness. A conversation that was extremely needed. If u don't know me u wouldn't know that I love hard. I've made so many mistakes in my life and probably will make so many more but the one thing that I think I've gotten right since day one is how to love. I love unconditionally. I love unselfishly. I love completely. I love. I realized that I am so much more afraid about her situation than she is. She has a realization that I only can pray that I will have one day. An understanding of life and living that can not be compared.

I told my mother that EVERY single time I come home and am leaving I cry. I don't cry because I fear losing her or my grandmother.... I cry because I worry if they know JUST how much I love them. I don't want there to be any doubt in their hearts or minds that I love, and have loved, them more than words could ever explain.

Cancer has changed my mother. Cancer has changed my family. It has affected her mind and body in ways both seen and unseen. And ironically, it has done the same to the family. I pray selfishly that she will be with us until she 200 years old. I can't imagine my life without my mother. And there isn't, and will never be, ANYTHING that I wouldn't do for my mother to keep her right here with me for as long as I live. I told my wife a little while back about my ambitions of wanting to donate my mother a kidney because of the problems she was experiencing with hers. She knows how I am about my family.... especially my mother. So she quickly replied, "You have my full support baby. Let's just find out what that means for you and your health afterwards". And I quickly replied, "I don't care about the consequences. If I could donate my heart to her, I would." Al starred at me for a second and through her eyes I could see that she could see that in my heart I was serious. So, after a short moment of silence she said, "But Stephen, that would mean that you would die and leave Laila and I." And I quickly replied, "I would do the same thing for you and Laila".

Now as I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my mother I'll always keep.
I know our time together won't always last,
But I PRAY you'll live to see me past.
Amen

-A son's prayer